if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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