So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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