Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
