And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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