Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
