I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
