I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
