So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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