i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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