dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just tell him i said nine months
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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