I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In America we eat man semen.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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