It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
