Umm I'm too high to move.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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