I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
