You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
