Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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