New invention idea: vibrating tampons
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
