ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
