white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
