Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
