I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
