i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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