if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
