I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
