I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
