i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
