Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
