God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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