So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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