I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
