when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
