Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize