my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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