I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
