I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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