dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
