I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
