i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
