so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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