You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
