So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
