Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
