Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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