I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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