This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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