Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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