don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize