My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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