Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
3pm strippers are depressing
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
