it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dick very happy bro
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
