Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
