just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
