Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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