Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
