HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
