did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
