Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she told me i tasted like america
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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