I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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