I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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