Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
